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First Date or Second Thoughts
Chapter Eight – First Date,
Second Thoughts
Sara was nervous. She
had never spent so long deliberating over what to wear to dinner before.
Normally, she was fairly functional when it came to clothing – slacks and a top
or funky shirt, a suit for court appearances. Not that she didn’t have nice
outfits – she had made several impulse buys in the last year during the
semi-regular retail-therapy outings she had allowed herself during her
infrequent time off. But, as her social life was somewhat lacking, they rarely
got an airing.
‘This is ridiculous,’
she thought aloud. After all, this dinner was more than likely Grissom’s way of
telling her that what had happened between them was a mistake. So what was the
point in dressing up?
The other night had
been a mistake. Of course it was a mistake. He was her boss. He was emotionally
challenged. He lived for his work. What could he possibly offer her? Except, of
course, everything that she had wanted for so long…
Grissom wasn’t really
so different from her, she thought. They both threw themselves into their work.
Both had limited social skills. Maybe they could be good for each other. Two
negatives equalling a positive. For a moment she allowed herself to imagine
that this would be the dinner, the
first date. The one he had said he wanted to have, ‘To see what happens’. But she shook the though from her head,
unwilling to be quite so hopeful this time.
She had never met
someone so impossible to read. If he were a suspect brought in for questioning,
Sara was convinced that he would be more than able to pull the wool over her
eyes.
Sighing, she finally
decided on a green silk tunic with a high, Chinese-style collar. The sleeveless
style showed off her arms which, along with her legs, were her best features.
She teamed this with jeans and a pair of low-heeled sandals. A final look in
the mirror sealed her approval. She looked casually elegant, sexy but not
overtly so. If he was really going to pass on a relationship with her, she
wasn’t going to make sure that he saw what he was missing. But she didn’t want
to be too obvious about it…
Picking up her keys and
purse, she made for the door before she changed her mind.
---
Grissom had been having
similar trouble. In case, it was a simple conundrum: tie or no tie?
He hated the things,
found them entirely unnecessary and only wore them for court appearances and
funerals. But part of him thought he should make an effort for this date.
And was this even a
date? He knew it shouldn’t be. He was a cautious man by nature; always weighing
up the pros and cons of a situation, weighing the evidence and then making a
rational decision based solely on that. If he stayed true to his nature and did
that now, this most certainly wouldn’t be a date… There was too much risk involved.
Too high a chance that both he and Sara would get hurt – both personally and
professionally. His ever rational mind knew this.
At the same time, his
heart was screaming for him to take the risk he had been avoiding for so long.
Hadn’t he been alone long enough? Hadn’t Sara? Hadn’t he finally come to terms
with the fact that he couldn’t bear the thought of being without her? Did he
really need another wake-up call like the situation with Jill had given him?
Still with no firm
decision fixed in his mind, he dropped the tie on his bed and picked up his
keys. He didn’t need anything else adding to his suffering tonight.
---
When Sara arrived, she
saw him sitting at the bar; nervously nursing a glass of what she assumed was
some kind of whiskey. She stood back and watched him for a moment. He looked,
well… fine, Sara thought, in a dark
blue shirt and charcoal grey trousers.
As she watched him, she
noticed a stiffening of his posture, like a hound catching the scent of a
rabbit. He sat up straighter in his chair and slowly turned until his eyes met
hers. Giving him one of her dazzling smiles, she strode over to meet him as he
got up from his perch.
‘Sara,’ he greeted her
with a small smile, taking in her appearance and apparently approving. ‘You
look…’ he trailed off, words failing him for a moment.
She took the compliment
anyway, and returned one of her own. ‘You look pretty sharp yourself, Grissom.’
‘Shall we get a table?’
he asked.
Sara smiled and nodded,
and as he put his hand on the small of her back to guide her towards the
dinning area, she felt her pulse treble.
---
Over dinner, their
conversation was filled with small talk, and they even resorted to talking
about work half-way through the second course. It wasn’t until the coffee
arrived that Sara finally got up the courage to ask the necessary question.
‘So, what is this?’
Grissom looked puzzled.
‘What do you mean?’
Sara figured she’d been
too vague, and hated the fact that she now had to spell it out to him.
‘I mean, is this a date
or, is it…’ she hesitated, unsure of how to put her fears into words. ‘Is is
just a way for you to take back what happened… the other day.’
Grissom said nothing
for a long time. He had avoided the subject all through dinner, despite the
fact that he knew it had to be discussed. He had held off, waiting for the
right moment, waiting for the right words to come. Now she had taken the
situation out of his hands and he still didn’t know what to say.
An uncomfortable
silence descended over the table like a fog. Sara shifted in her seat, unable
to bear it.
‘Come on, Gris. You’ve
got to give me something here. This isn’t the sort of conversation you can have
alone.’
‘I, er…’ he started and
stopped and took a breath. ‘I honestly don’t know what to say, Sara.’
Sara shook her head in
disbelief. ‘This is so typical of you, Grissom,’ she told him in a low voice
that belied her anger and frustration. ‘You’ll never change. Never take a risk.
You were the one who started this. You asked me to dinner this time. Twice.’
Grissom lowered his
head, trying to come up with something, a response to justify himself. A way to
tell her what he wanted and how frightening it was. Nothing came to mind.
‘I can’t do this
anymore, Grissom,’ she continued. Her voice sounded resigned. Defeated. ‘I
can’t continue waiting for you to throw me scraps. A hint here and there, a
flirtation, and then nothing for weeks, months until you feel like talking to
me again. I wish you could just tell me, straight out, that you’re not
interested. I could take that. But I can’t take this limbo. I can’t take you still not knowing what you want.’
Grissom looked up at
her, his blue eyes burning into hers for a moment. ‘I know what I want, Sara,’
he told her in a quietly intense voice. ‘The same thing I’ve always wanted. I
just… my heart and my head are telling me two very different things. And I
don’t know which one to listen to anymore.’
Sara reached for her
purse. ‘Well, I’m going to do what I should have done a long time ago and start
listening to my head. Goodnight, Grissom.’
She began to rise from
her chair. Grissom panicked.
‘Sara, please. Let me
explain.’
Glancing around to make
sure they weren’t making a scene, Sara leaned closer to him. He could smell her
perfume, understated and elegant, like her, and his head swam.
‘What is left to
explain, Grissom? I’m not worth taking a risk for.’
With that, her long
legs carried her from the restaurant.
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